Letting Go
by Adandali
Summary: pre-canon. Harvey is struggling watching Donna hit it off with Thomas, but he is determined to let her be happy. What happens when Thomas asks Harvey to break the law for him?


Donna was genuinely happy. This time she met her match. A man who does not play games, who can flirt and has potential to sweep her of her feet.

And nothing would happen if it was not for Louis and making him a managing partner. It was like meant to be, all cards played in her favor. She orchestrated the whole thing and got a man out of it too. She was winning big these days.

Harvey on the other hand was losing. He was confused. Tomas came to see him the other day. As if it was easy watching Donna dating him, now it seemed he was dating him too, professionally speaking.

And Boy oh boy, he liked the guy. He hated it, but he knew Tomas was good for her. He knew it was getting serious, but what could he do? that was his rational side thinking, however his body and emotions did not follow. Remember panic attack? They were back, usually at nights when he truly realized what he was missing; When he let his mind wonder what it would be like if he just let his hands wonder and hold her before she left that night in her office; If he had not lashed out at her after the kiss, or if she felt what he felt.

Now the fantasies have become pretty vivid. He almost lives in those fantasies. Panic has subsided, and is replaced with acceptance and grief. Yes that is the word, he is grieving his love, their future, his dream about them. It is not easy, but what is it left to do.

But there comes a moment when instead of accepting and grieving you need to step up and fight and that is what happened when louis came to his office. That was the new role Luis took as a managing partner. As a great leader he had to know what was going on in his firm.

"so what's going on Harvey?"

"Nothing Louis, just finishing up and going home."

"do you want to talk about it?" Louis asks persistently.

"Talk about what? how I am going to go home?" Harvey asks annoyed

"Talk about what really is going on with you."

'Nothing is going on. It has been a long day. good night Louis."

"OK, you don't have to tell me, but you have to tell Donna, She has to know."

Harvey stops in his tracks. Louis has touched a nerve.

"She has to know what Louis?" he still asks even though he knows exactly what Louis is talking about.

"That you are in love with her and it is killing you to watch her sleep away. You don't need to use those exact words, but you get the point don't you?" Louis does not even flinch as he says all this. Harvey is astonished and surprisingly silent. He does not even try to deny.

"I can't do that. she has made her decision and I will not interfere. She seems happy. No, she is happy, she said that herself. I am not ruing that.

"Oh god, I have never realized how stupid you are when it comes to women, no scratch that, when it comes to Donna. Because I did not see you this blind ever with anyone. You dating your therapist should have been a sign, but anyway. Now I am taking you under my wing my friend. I will give you a basic tour of your stupidity, just top of mind"

"Louis, She does not feel the same way."

"what if she does?"

"she does not, she said it herself"

"Harvey, I thought you fight and win."

"not with her I don't"

"not with Harvey, for her. I know it is scary to cross that imaginary line of yours, but what you two have is not more than words and what she might have said or implied. I have seen you fight for her like no one. I've seen what happened when she left you. And I also saw how she came back to YOU. Even if she does not love you the way you love her, she deserves to know what is on the table. She deserves to know. she kissed you for god's sake. "

"And felt nothing."

"grow up Harvey! Be a man and talk to her like adults do." with this Louis left exasperated Harvey in his office. He could not believe the conversation they had.

Harvey on the other hand realized he had to at least try. No more regrets.

Before he went out of the office he saw Donna was still there.

"Hey, working late? "

"as you can see."

"can I help you with anything?"

Donna saw something was up. Harvey was stalling.

"What is it Harvey?" she gave him straight. I think we both know there is zero chance you would be offering a hand on a job like efficiency per square meter unless there is something you want to talk about and can't get around it."

"remind me to never offer you a hand" Harvey said smiling

"So are you going to stand there or tell me what is really bothering you? Is it about Thomas? I know he came by. What happened?"

"Nothing. Just advise about a venture. You know Ray is waiting downstairs. Just wanted to ask if you needed a ride. Its' nothing Donna."

He knew she did not believe him, but he did not care. He wanted to get out of there and away from her.

As soon as Harvey left, donna went to Louis.

"what happened to Harvey Louis? Is it about Thomas? What did he say to him?

"Thomas's business is in danger and he asked Harvey to break the law for him."

"Then what happened?"

"I don't know Donna. Why don't you ask Harvey yourself?

Donna was nervous. Last thing she wanted to put Harvey in the position where he would have to do something he would not normally do.

She rushed to his apartment and knocked nervously on his door.

"Donna, what are you doing here? Don't tell me you decided to take me up on the offer to help with the report."

Donna was not in the mood for their regular banter. She just walked in.

"Harvey tell me what happened with Thomas."

"Nothing happened. He asked for a favor and I am not still decided what to do."

"why would you even consider that Harvey. Louis told me. Are you out of your mind. He is just a client Harvey. You don't have to treat him any other way."

"I think we both know it is not true Donna. Like we both know that I am not considering that for him."

"well don't do it for me either".

"Donna can you just stop for a bit?"

Donna has tears in her eyes. It feels like finality, like the end and her heart is breaking into million pieces.

Looking at her face Harvey just walks up to her and hugs her. A single touch and they are melting into one another's embrace. Tell me what is it Donna. What is happening?

Donna just whispers, into his ear. "this feels like an end. Like you are letting me go."

This single comment has Harvey startled.

"I though that's what you want Donna."

Donna is silent, does not even bother to answer. Harvey looks at her and he realizes he is not the only one grieving their story, their future.

"Donna, I've never loved anyone the way I love you. It may be selfish of me to say, but you gave me hope just now that you could feel the same so screw it. I want you to stay tonight… and for good."

He does not let her answer. His lips are on hers and he is pulling her in with everything he's got.

Donna can't resist the kiss. she just answers with her lips between his. He is touching her the way she wanted for so long. Harvey on the other hand is desperate. He has hope, he feels he is passing a boundary, but he feels amazing kissing the one woman he wanted to kiss and touch for over a decade.

He has to stop, he knows that, but instead he reaches for the zipper of her dress. There is no stopping him. He is no longer in control. Donna's kisses are. And she kisses him urgently. She moves from his mouth to his neck and Harvey moans Donna's name. she goes back to his lips and as soon as she kisses him, Harvey takes over. He starts moving her to the direction of his bedroom, when suddenly Donna just puts her hand on his chest, as if stopping him. She is hesitant but instead of asking him to stop she moves her hands down to his groan and starts unbuckling his pants. The rest is a just a collage of lips, bodies crashing with each other. it was over in minutes, but then they started again and that is when they took it slow, savoring every single moment. Now it was intimate.

They were lying in bed coming down from the high. The realization hit Harvey that Donna was still dating Thomas. Scratch that, it did not just hit him. He knew it when he kissed her and when he made love to her, and he did not regret a single thing. When you love someone the way he loves Donna & when you fight for your love nothing is off limits. There is hardly anything that Harvey would not do to have what he has now. He understands Lily a bit more. Not the lies, not the affair, but need to be with someone you love.

Yes, he feels guilty, but she will break up with Thomas tomorrow. Tonight, is about finally being where he is supposed to be, in her arms.

"Donna, what about Thomas, you will break up with him tomorrow right?"

"I broke up with him before I came here. When I heard what he asked from you".

"God", he said rolling on top of her and placing kiss on her lips, "this is the best piece of information that I could hear".

"Harvey", she says with a smile on her face, "I love you."

"let me revise my initial statement, now that is the best piece of information I could hear." He smiles to himself.

"what's so funny?" she asks while caressing his cheek and hair.

"I was just thinking how when it comes to you, I can do everything and anything I thought I would never do".

"yes, except for crossing line of professional relationship." She said with a sadness in her tone

"because you set that line Donna, and I could never risk you."

"what changed now?"

"I already lost you. you know I was closed off to "that" part of us until you kissed me and It affected me Donna, in ways you can't even imagine. Since then, I knew exactly what I was missing. To be honest I always knew I loved you, but I could not let myself feel it. Only when I was close to losing you my emotions broke out".

"so the famous you know I love you Donna was not about comforting me." Donna said with a smile

"you know what it was Donna."

"Harvey I really don't want to rehash the past, but it does not add up. You lost me when I left to work for Louis, and it did not break your wall".

"I had panic attacks Donna for fucks sake. You, leaving broke me, not just the damn wall."

"than why did you run to Paula?"

"I don't have all the answers Donna, I guess I ran to Paula when you asked for something MORE. And I feared what that more could be".

Donna smiled at that, remembering that conversation. She needed to be valued and be treated with respect and unfortunately, she did not feel that at work anymore. She knew she outgrown that position ages ago. But she did not even understand that professional fulfillment was not the only thing missing in her life.

"you are the More that I need Harvey."

"you are my everything Donna."

"I need coffee". Donna said getting out of his embrace and heading for kitchen, putting on his shirt on the way there".

Donna came back to bed with two cups of coffee and Harvey could not believe how similar it all felt to the dream he had.

"I've dreamed about this years ago."

"about what, me bringing you coffee in bed?"

"about us being together, finally".

"and …"

"I felt happy… it felt like the best morning of my life."

"God, when did you become this articulate about your feelings".

"you broke me again Donna." He said laughing and pushing Donna to his body.

"I am sure I will find a way to put you back together?"

"oh, I already have something in mind."


End file.
